Your Nervous System Is Not Working Against You

Learning to Listen Through Somatic Practice: Three Gentle Ways to Begin

In more than two decades of clinical work, and the last decade as a somatic psychologist, one truth has anchored everything I do: the body is not a passive container for our experiences. It is an active, intelligent system - constantly adapting and responding, often in ways that happen outside conscious awareness.

And most of us were never taught how to listen to it.

If you've ever found yourself lying awake replaying a conversation, feeling anxious despite knowing you're safe, or shutting down emotionally when there seems to be no obvious reason, you've already experienced something important: what we understand intellectually doesn't always change what we're experiencing in our bodies.

While we often think of stress as a psychological experience, it is also profoundly physiological.

Our bodies are continually responding to what is happening around and within us, often before we've consciously made sense of it. When something feels threatening or overwhelming, multiple systems throughout the brain and body coordinate responses that help us protect ourselves, mobilize, withdraw, seek connection, or otherwise adapt to what is happening.

These responses don't occur in a vacuum. They are shaped by our biology, our histories, our relationships, and the environments we've had to navigate. Over time, responses that were adaptive in one context can become familiar patterns, sometimes appearing in situations where they are no longer as necessary or useful.

This can show up in surprisingly ordinary ways: difficulty relaxing at the end of the day, feeling constantly "on," reacting strongly to seemingly small stressors, struggling to set boundaries, or feeling disconnected from yourself or others, even when life appears to be going well.

This is part of why you can understand something intellectually and still feel anxious, tense, disconnected, numb, or stuck. Understanding where a pattern came from doesn't necessarily mean that the pattern will immediately change. When we become curious about what a response has been adapting to - or protecting us from - it often begins to make more sense.

One capacity that's particularly relevant to somatic practice is interoception: our ability to sense signals arising from within the body. It's how we notice a racing heart, a tightening stomach, warmth in the chest, hunger, tension in the shoulders, or a change in our breathing.

Sometimes these signals are obvious. Sometimes we've become so accustomed to overriding, ignoring, or simply not noticing them that they barely register. Learning to pay attention can help us notice signals we may have been missing. Bodily sensations are one part of our experience, and becoming aware of them gives us more to be curious about.

Somatic practice brings this bodily information into awareness alongside our thoughts, emotions, relationships, and understanding of our circumstances. Rather than assuming we already know what a sensation means, we can become curious about it: What am I noticing? When does it happen? What changes it? What might my body be responding to?

A Note Before We Begin

Somatic practice doesn't require pushing into painful material in order for something meaningful to happen. Often, the work begins much more simply: noticing what is happening now and developing the capacity to stay in relationship with our experience without overwhelming ourselves.

Before trying the practices below, a few things are worth keeping in mind:

• You are always in charge of the pace. If anything feels like too much, open your eyes, look around the room, and feel your feet on the floor. Come back to the present moment.

• If you feel nothing, that is valid information, not failure. There are many reasons it may be difficult to notice internal sensations. Meet that with curiosity rather than pressure.

• Start small. There's no benefit in forcing an experience. A minute or two of focused attention is enough to begin.

  
  

Somatic practices for nervous system regulation can take many forms. Here, we're beginning with three simple ways of noticing and responding to what's happening in and around us.

Practice One: Orienting

Orienting is a practice of bringing our attention into contact with the present environment through our senses. When we're anxious, overwhelmed, or absorbed in our thoughts, our attention can narrow. Orienting invites us to notice what is actually around us right now, allowing our awareness to expand.

Sit comfortably and allow your gaze to soften.

Slowly let your eyes move around the space you're in. Take your time. Notice what draws your attention - the color of a wall, the texture of a surface, the quality of the light. Allow your head and neck to move naturally with your gaze.

Notice the sounds around you. You don't need to identify them all; simply notice what's reaching your ears.

Is there a scent in the room or the air? Perhaps something obvious, perhaps something very subtle.

Notice the physical contact between your body and what's supporting you - the chair beneath you, your back against a cushion, your feet on the floor.

You may notice your attention naturally drawn toward something - a view through the window, a particular sound, the warmth of sunlight, a familiar scent. Let yourself stay with it for a moment.

Spend thirty seconds to two minutes taking in your surroundings and noticing what, if anything, shifts in your body as you do.

You can return to this practice when you notice yourself becoming caught in your thoughts, overwhelmed, or disconnected from what's happening around you.

Practice Two: Finding Your Resource

In somatic practice, a resource is anything that offers some sense of support, steadiness, ease, connection, or strength. It might be something you notice in your body, something in your environment, a person or animal you feel connected to, or even a memory.

The experience doesn't need to be dramatic - we're simply noticing whether there's something available right now that feels supportive in some way.

For this practice, we'll begin with the body.

Sit or lie somewhere comfortable. You can close your eyes if you'd like, or leave them open.

Notice where your body is being supported - the chair, floor, bed, or couch beneath you.

Then slowly bring your attention through your body. You're not searching for what's wrong or trying to change anything. Just notice what's there.

Is there anywhere that feels comfortable, steady, warm, open, strong, or simply okay? Maybe you notice warmth in your hands, steadiness in your feet, or a place where you're holding a little less tension.

When something catches your attention, stay with it for a few moments. What do you notice as you give it your attention?

There's nothing you need to make happen. Stay with the experience for thirty seconds to a minute and notice whether anything changes - or doesn't.

Over time, you may begin to recognize experiences, sensations, people, places, or activities that help you feel more connected to yourself or supported in your life. These can become resources you intentionally return to when you need them.

Practice Three: The Physiological Sigh

The physiological sigh is a breathing pattern that involves two inhales followed by a long, slow exhale. Research on intentional cyclic sighing suggests that this kind of breathing can help reduce physiological arousal.

Here's how to try it:

Take a normal inhale through your nose. Before exhaling, take a second, shorter inhale through your nose.

Then exhale slowly through your mouth, allowing the exhale to be long and unforced.

Repeat once or twice. Then pause for a moment and pay attention to what you experience. Perhaps your shoulders soften or your jaw relaxes. Maybe you become aware of a change in your breathing or heart rate.

You can experiment with this almost anywhere - before a difficult conversation, during a stressful meeting, or in the moments before speaking your truth.

Somatic Practices and Nervous System Regulation

Our nervous systems move through different states. We become activated, settle, connect, withdraw, mobilize, rest, and respond to what life asks of us. Somatic practice can help us become more aware of these shifts and develop greater flexibility in how we move through them.

With practice, we may begin to notice what's happening earlier - a tightening in the chest, a change in our breathing, an impulse to pull away, or the familiar urge to say yes when we mean no. Becoming aware of these signals and impulses can create a little more space between what we experience and how we respond.

Sometimes that space is very small. We may still react in the familiar way and only recognize it afterward. That recognition matters too. Awareness often develops gradually, and noticing a pattern after it happens can eventually become noticing it while it's happening - and sometimes, noticing it early enough that another response becomes possible.

Over time, these moments of awareness can accumulate. We begin to know our own patterns more intimately - what activates us, what helps us return, what we tend to override, and what we may not have been noticing. Responses that once seemed irrational or frustrating may begin to make more sense in the context of our lives. And as we become more able to notice what's happening, we may also discover greater flexibility in how we meet it.

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References

Chen, W. G., et al. (2021). The emerging science of interoception: Sensing, integrating, interpreting, and regulating signals within the self. Trends in Neurosciences, 44(1), 3–16.

Karatsoreos, I. N., & McEwen, B. S. (2011). Psychobiological allostasis: Resistance, resilience and vulnerability. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 15(12), 576–584.

Balban, M. Y., et al. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine, 4(1), 100895.