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I was judging myself this morning....

Happy Equinox! Today marked the shift from winter into spring, where the day and night hours are approximately equal, where new energy arises. Knowing this, it was fascinating to me how my internal process so closely mirrored that of the external environment again - we have been moving into spring and yet, it’s still been cold and I’ve been strangely unmotivated lately. Even though I’ve been wanting to write and create, I've been feeling blocked. This morning once again began with low energy, feeling blah and tired, only doing the bare minimum. In fact, I hardly got up from my bed - I stared at my phone, made a few calls and occasionally stretched my body while I had all of these thoughts about what I “should” be doing (taxes, etc....) and then judged myself for not doing it.


But somehow, I began to feel a little more energy and inspiration in the early afternoon. I looked outside at the gorgeous day and felt it calling me. It was like I shook off the dark clouds weighing me down and saw the light beckon. I weeded and mowed, I trimmed herbs, I shoveled dirt and created a new garden bed, and as I did so, I noticed my mind slowed, and I started to feel happier. I began to remember my deep love for this land I have lived on for the past 16 1/2 years and I saw its beauty.

In that moment, I knew in my bones that this was exactly what I needed to be doing - I wasn’t judging or comparing myself, I wasn’t thinking about what I should have done or needed to do. It was if I was fully connected with the earth beneath and around me and I was healing myself without even trying; I was moving my body (exercise is the #1 cure for depressive symptoms), and I was doing it in nature. I was present and in alignment, with full appreciation and enjoyment. I felt profoundly grateful and realized that I was now seeing everything through a much brighter lens than the murky and dysphoric perspective I'd held earlier.


As I thought about this, I could feel a desire to share this moment bubble up in my chest - and that increased my feelings of joy, imagining I could feel this ripple out to others.


So just as the daylight will now overtake the hours of night and the flowers are beginning to bloom, my creativity is flowing and I, too am starting to blossom.


What about you? Can you relate to feeling stuck, judgy, or being present? What are you wanting to create? How are you blossoming? What can you share with others?


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